I have decided to come out of the closet. No, not as a lesbian. That identity is now stale (the fad has passed) and I simply can’t tolerate not being the center of attention and ~controversy any longer.
Indeed. I am transauto. I know this identity might be hard to swallow, but follow me here.
On the outside I present as a 21 year old, 5 foot 6 inch, brunette female. But inside, I just feel like this fleshy human form isn’t right! STOP LAUGHING AT ME THIS IS TOTALLY LEGIT OK I FELT THIS WAY MY WHOLE LIFE*
I really like the smell of gasoline, and I feel alive driving down the highway at 70 mph. When I fart sometimes it smells like gasoline fumes and I like grape juice (it kind of looks like engine oil). I like the smell of antifreeze. I wear shoes with rubber soles and tires are made of rubber…coincidence?
So I have decided to come out as transauto. My true self, my self that I have hidden my entire life** is actually a teal 1984 Dodge Diplomat. From this day on I am going to insist that you call me Dippy and speak to me only in car sounds. And if any of you refuse to believe that I am, indeed, Dippy, I’m going to hurl every name in the book at you until you realize how much of a bigot you are for not accepting my completely made-up “identity”.
OH OH I almost forgot. I am a member of a ~mixed system because
I’m not fucked up enough to have DID/MPD I just am. That means I am multiple people living in one body! I mean I just discovered this is a thing a few minutes ago but it seems totally legit and just, makes sense to me, ya know? It has all the perks of a major, crippling, Axis 2 Psychiatric condition, with none of the hassle!
This post was brought about by my discovery of the “transabled” community (because fuck you disabled people, able-bodied folks need their scrumptious morsel of the oppression pie too)
In all honesty: I can not take this shit seriously. and I will not. Because it is not a real thing. It is not social justice for me to take this seriously. It is an injustice to actual disabled people. It is special snowflake syndrome to the max.
AS A DISCLAIMER: in no way, shape, or form is this meant to belittle transgendered or genderqueer individuals…just the moronic 16 year old rich kids from suburbia who are bored with life so they pretend they’ve got this hidden secret legitimate identity that, surprisingly, they didn’t ever mention until they saw it on the internet. It is a slap in the face to disabled individuals and you should be deeply ashamed.
Oh, you’re an amputee inside? Try telling that to the Iraq war vet in a wheelchair. I dare you.